Man’s Beast Friend

`My God, you’re RIGHT!   I NEVER would’ve thought of that!’” – Dave Barry

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Our dogs are scary smart.  They obey spoken commands and hand signals.  That’s excellent, we trained them that way.  But we noticed they were beginning to comprehend words in general conversation.  My wife asks me, “Do you want cheese in your omelet?”  Suddenly, there’s two canine companions headed to the kitchen.  They love cheese.

So, we started spelling.  W-a-l-k.  B-e-d.  C-o-o-k-i-e.  Could be wrong, but I could have sworn they were learning to read our lips.  So, we’ve begun to cover our mouths…  Might have to start writing notes to each other.

The big guy, a Caucasian Ovcharka,  is an escape artist.  The fence has been reinforced three times, landscape timbers which he’s been known to roll uphill.  There’s rebar pounded into the ground every two feet.  His kennel is secured with two padlocks.  Most recently, we added a couple of latches to the lanai door, which he had learned to open.  If he had thumbs, he’d probably teach himself to drive.  Scary smart.

And not a little work.  Sometimes I feel like a farmer.  Keep the water bowls full.  Keep the food bowls full.  Take them for walks.  Groom.  I vacuum the house three times weekly and sweep the lanai daily, maybe more often.  Pick up poop. A lot of poop. Didn’t think about that when I was buying such a giant creature.

He’s hairy, he’s 170 pounds, slim, almost six feet long.  Certainly gives me and my family a feeling of security.  About the time a would-be burglar sees Hagrid’s doggie door, two foot by three foot, knee-high off the ground, I am guessing he’ll head to a different house.

Kinda like living with a zoo animal.  He snores.  He’s my best friend.

The little one, not so much.  Still a baby, she’s noisy and a little annoying.  But really sweet when she’s asleep.  Hagrid somehow managed to train her to be his personal assistant.  He wants to go out, Lily barks in my ear.  Food bowl empty, more barking  When she wants something for herself, I get a little gentle tap on my leg.  Sweet, little and beautiful.  Very female.

It should be pointed out, the little female kicks the crap out of the big male all day long.  Despite the fact he is eight hundred percent bigger.  He seems to enjoy the attention.  But he cries sometimes.  Which is a little sad. He so wants to club her just once.

Am actually thinking my next dog might be a bitch.  Because walking Hagrid, the only exercise I get is pulling him when he decides to stop.  Which he decides to do at every sign, every bush, every spot a bunny, cat or fellow dog might have passed. Females seem to walk in a straight line.  But, to be honest, I don’t understand females of any species.

Hagrid is intact – still packing – because big dogs are expensive, too.  Everything costs more.  The food, the leash, the collar, the toys, the medicine.  The neutering.

But he is worth every penny.  Both dogs are.

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One reason dogs are so valuable – in addition to the unconditional love they offer – dogs are good for your health.  And good health is, of course, the most important asset you can have.  Health is your real life insurance.

A report by the National Institutes found that people with pets actually make fewer doctor visits, especially for non-serious medical conditions.

Studies have shown pets can reduce feelings of depression.  For example, when seniors face adversity or trauma, affection from pets can foster a sense of security.

Fifty percent of respondents to a survey by the American Veterinary Association considered their pets to be companions.  Dogs reduce feelings of loneliness.

Another study has shown a stressful situation has less impact on pet owners, especially males.  Hard to be miserable when you are on one end of a game of fetch.

Research tells that pets provide their owners with greater psychological stability, thus offering a measure of protection from heart disease.

More than once, I have read about how petting a dog will lower your blood pressure.

That’s the medical info but you don’t have to be a scientist to notice other benefits.  All day long, it’s up, down, up, down, up, down.  The dogs need to be let outdoors, they need to be let indoors.  One dog has to go, then the other dog has to go.  The bowl is empty, the other bowl is empty.

I actually use my daily poop patrol as a stretching exercise.  And just the idea of caring for another living creature, really caring, well, that can’t hurt.  And my dogs are kinda funny.  Just looking at Hagrid makes me happy.  Lily, not so much.  But just looking at Lily makes my wife happy.  And my wife’s happiness is important to me. Real important.

Canis lupus familiaris is a gift from God, no doubt about it.

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