A prosthetic leg with a Willie Nelson bumper sticker washed ashore on the beach, which meant it was Florida.
Then it got weird. – Tim Dorsey, Pineapple Grenade
I live in Florida. It is a dangerous place.
We have 20-foot pythons battling 15-foot alligators in our parks. Man-eating sharks patrol our coastlines. Every couple of years one of our towns disappears in a hurricane with 150 MPH winds. The incoming governor (Rick Scott) campaigned on his business background, which included a $1.7 billion fine for fraud against the U.S. government.
A Tampa couple searching for just the right Halloween decoration purchased an actual human skeleton for $8 at a local estate sale. Which I personally think is quite a bargain.
The first recognized female serial killer was a Floridian. On the other hand, Floridians killed Ted Bundy. Scarface, aka Tony Montana, was a Floridian. We take our crime quite seriously here.
Unless it’s a politician committing it.
Not that we have completely lost our sense of the absurd.
Twenty-five-year-old Raymond Roberts in Manatee County was pulled over for a routine traffic stop. The strong smell of marijuana aroused the officer’s curiosity, which led to a thorough search of Mr. Roberts. He admitted the bag of weed found between his buttocks was his, but he vigorously denied any knowledge of the cocaine found in the same location.
Here’s a note from Saturday’s paper:
A Florida man shot at an alligator to free his dog.
Tom Martino and his Jack Russell terrier were walking along the Hillsborough River when the alligator wrestled the 15-pound dog into the water. [In Florida, your dog is part of the food chain.] Martino started shooting into the water around the alligator to scare it into releasing the 9-year-old dog. He performed CPR on the dog until it coughed up water and started breathing again.
Lizabeth is now being treated for alligator bites and lung injuries from being underwater. A state trapper captured the 6-foot gator that night. Martino has a concealed weapons permit.
Of course, he does. We all do.