Tush…Tush, Sweet Charlotte

The sovereign invigorator of the whole body is exercise, and of all exercises, walking is the best. – Thomas Jefferson

One of my favorite trails.

I walk a lot, which gives me a nice tan and plenty of time to think things in my head and my heart and through my pores. I am thinking, don’t trip over that brick sticking out, that guy is driving much too fast, that’s not a balanced dog, lady, did you see the ass on that? Having an out-of-milieu experience in a place you cannot afford to live. Thinking is still free. I think, besides money, the rich are different than you and me because they got more shade. Fancy foliage floats overhead, like a diaphanous umbrella. Prophylactically.

The most popular fitness route is called The Booty Loop, a three-mile path named after all the shapely butts. Gorgeous glutes.

Worried I’d be asked to leave. Probably by one of the Banker Bros, the young financial professionals who all look the same. Send in the clones.

Forgot to mention, coming through South Carolina, the nearly three-hour traffic stop on I-26. A eighteen-wheeler jackknifed across two lanes and the median. Took two hours to get the driver out and helicoptered to a hospital. By the time we got by, big orange bulldozer and huge “steam shovel” were moving earth back where it belonged. Did much the same thing in my head. Lot worse stuff can happen than being a few hours late for cocktails.

She’s pregnant and it’s yours.

I think of a couple of Charlotte neighborhoods as the Land Of Milf and Humvee. Myers Park and Eastover.

That’s where we stayed. We’d stay there again if they ever clean the porch. Too fancy for an actual coffeepot, – gag me with an unstocked Keurig – but close enough to Starbucks, the dogs are ready to go for a walk then, what the hell. The last day we split a chocolate croissant. Close to a Ben & Jerry’s. A movie theatre, a drug store, a corner market. A gas station with CBD oil. I walked to Super Cuts and got another bad haircut. Thinking all my barbers can’t be visually-impaired. Not all of them. Maybe it’s my head.

Close to Fenwicks. https://www.fenwicksonprovidence.com/ We liked the trout, the oysters, too. Food was so good and the atmosphere so comfortable, I snuck up behind the burly owner and gave him a Joe Biden shoulder massage.

I was determined to get to a couple of museums, so we drove uptown which is really downtown. Just look for the tall buildings.

Dec 1, 2018-  Aug 18, 2019 | The Mint Museum’s first large-scale exhibition to explore the dynamic medium of collage. I am practically on the verge of the cusp of collaging some stuff myself. Could be any day now. https://mintmuseum.org/under-construction-postwar-collage-from-the-mint-muesum-2/ Is that a typo in the link?

Right across the street is the Bechtler Museum of Modern Art.

Alexander Calder, Glacier with Coloured Petals, 1971, wool on linen and cotton

NOMADIC MURALS: TAPESTRIES OF THE MODERN ERA

April 5, 2019 – December 1, 2019

The exhibition is an exploration and presentation of more than 40 tapestries created by artists usually associated with painting, sculpture, and architecture, including Alexander Calder, Le Corbusier, Joan Miró, and Pablo Picasso among many others. Nomadic Murals will highlight the museum’s collection of tapestries from the mid-20th century, as well as shed light on a unique medium that has been important to many great Modern and contemporary artists. This will be the first time that the museum’s entire tapestries collection will be on view. The tapestries will be hung alongside the artists’ work in more familiar media to demonstrate both the stylistic consistency and the unique contributions textile production brought to their oeuvre. The title of the exhibition stems from Le Corbusier’s essay “Tapestries: Nomadic Murals.”

The exhibition will feature important tapestries by Modern masters from Marc Chagall and René Magritte to Robert Motherwell and Frank Stella among many others. Five newly conserved tapestries by Alexander Calder, Diego Giacometti, Fernand Léger, Roy Lichtenstein, and Pablo Picasso in the museum’s collection —made possible by the Bank of America Art Conservation Project grant—will be on view together for the first time, and five exceptional tapestries by Le Corbusier between 1948 and 1965 will travel from the Le Corbusier Foundation in Paris. Other highlights with strong connections to Charlotte and the Bechtler include two works by Charlotte-born African-American artist Romare Bearden, and two tapestries by Mario Botta, the Swiss architect of the museum’s building. These modern masterpieces will be presented in the context of several contemporary works by artists such as Fred Tomaselli, Kiki Smith, Ebony G. Patterson, April Gornik, Peter Blake, and others.

http://bechtler.org/

In the gift shop, I skimmed a copy of When Pigasso Met Mootise. Decided to wait for the movie.

I carry a big wad of cash I really can’t afford to spend and charge everything on my credit card. Come back with a fat billfold, for a few weeks, it’s almost like the trip was free. One travel tip – check out spendy joints during lunch.

https://www.opentable.com/bernardins-restaurant-charlotte

Me: Grilled Jumbo Shrimp Salad (Sesame Pasta, Apple & Soy Vinaigrette.) $12. The waiter instantly pegged me for a geezer idiot and warned me, “That’s a cold salad, sir.” A jury of my actual peers would be okay with me punching him square in the nuts.

Her: Grilled Portabella Mushroom Salad (Applewood Smoked Bacon, Gorgonzola Cheese, Strawberries Mixed Greens & Blue Cheese Dressing) $10. “It was a big salad and I ate every single leaf.” Haven’t heard anybody this excited about a new dish since dear dead Mom discovered the hush puppies at the Myakka River Oyster Bar. http://myakkariveroysterbar.com/

Then we couldn’t find our car. Actually, we couldn’t find the building of many floors where we’d parked the vehicle. We had both anticipated this very situation and memorized P6. P6. P6. P6. Sixth floor of the parking garage. P6.

But we forgot to note the building. One of the tall ones, I bet.

Drove east to Salisbury, an unmolested treasure with prices about half of the fancy schmancy Queen City, to meet a couple of brothers-in-law. For the first time. They met me halfway, which is as it should be. Fourteen years too long to duck one another. So we looked for a likely restaurant to meet.

“Richard’s Bar-B-Q was originally T&F Barbecue and opened its doors on Council Street (just off Main Street near the courthouse) in Salisbury in 1935. This tiny side street establishment only had seven stools at a counter. T&F’s owners, Popeye Trexler and Grant Fories, served such a good product that people had to stand outside on the sidewalk and eat their sandwiches. Still they came.

It was the “biggest little place” in North Carolina says C.G. “Guy” Clodfelter when he and Tom Heffner worked there as teenagers. Guy and Tom ultimately bought the place and continued to run it for many years. Guy sold his interest to Tom due to poor health. The Heffner family moved the business down the street to its present location on North Main Street. Tom, Jr. put Richard Monroe (present owner) in charge as manager in 1974.

Richard hand chops the barbecue. It is chopped larger than most, but not coarse. It has a good smoky pork flavor and deep smoke penetration from the slow roasting. It is very fresh. The inside white mixed with the outside brown keeps the ’cue moist. It was surprisingly good without sauce. With the sauce, your taste buds tell you that you are somewhere east of Raleigh as it tastes like a fine offering of Eastern North Carolina-style barbecue.

The sauce is Eastern North Carolina-style vinegar base with red pepper and spices. The sauce without the meat is fairly hot, not a torch but still hot. On the meat it is the perfect accompaniment for Richard’s ’cue. The barbecue chicken is just simply delicious.”Excerpts from The Best Tar Heel Barbecue Manteo to Murphy pages 132-133.

Bruce, a nearly silent mystic, and I both bruise easily.
Larry is the charismatic middle brother with sexy sunglasses.

Larry said he’d have the chopped plate and we all said, that sounds good to us. They got sweet tea and we ordered beers. Two hours, longer, we left with hugs and kisses as friends and family. Promised to see each other sooner rather than later. The baby’s pushing seventy and Bruce’s oxygen was running out.

Next day maybe. Cowfish was where we went for a belated Mother’s Day dinner. I wrestled with the PINKY SWEAR ROLL – Eel, diakon sprouts and cucumber inside, topped with spicy tuna poke with salmon and yellowtail, cucumber, red onion, chives, roasted jalapeño vinaigrette and sesame soy sambal – washed down by WICKED WEED PERNICIOUS IPA (Asheville, NC – 7.3% ABV) – Tropical mango hop aroma, dry finish. I wasn’t driving. ttps://thecowfish.com/The_Cowfish_menu_Charlotte.pdf

“I’m Glad I Came. We Won’t Be Back.”

The Garden is thrilled to celebrate its 20th anniversary with an awe-inspiring, larger-than-life botanical glass exhibit, Grandiflora: Gamrath Glass at the Garden. Guests will be mesmerized by hundreds of pieces making up dozens of vibrant sculptures by Seattle-based artist Jason Gamrath including towering 10-foot orchids, vivid pitcher plants, energetic Venus flytraps and more. The garden’s annual beds will feature big, bold, beautiful plants with large flowers and leaves to complement Gamrath’s sculptures.

By day visitors are welcome to explore the Garden and glass sculpture throughout, while at night the sculptures will be illuminated and visitors can listen to live music while relaxing with a beverage in the Beer Garden. Please note that select unlit areas of the Garden (without sculptures) including Lost Hollow and the Perennial Gardens will close at 8:30 p.m.

The Garden may be thrilled, but me, not so much. Nor was I awed, not mesmerized either.

Plus, I went during the day. And I got lost on the way. The “Real Feel” was 112 degrees. And they charge extra for the butterfly exhibit and I have more flutterers in my own garden back home. Maybe with a driver and a limo and a date and a blanket and you came out at night, sure, but… don’t get me started. They lost me at ‘vivid’ and ‘energetic’ meat-eating plants.

The day was saved by lunch at Nellie’s Southern Kitchen. I’ve lived in the South for almost twenty-three years – I am still blinking a secret rescue plea after all that time – and never had shrimp and grits. Said ‘seafood-for-breakfast’ to me and I just couldn’t go there. Until now. Could’ve been the heat. Most expensive thing on the menu at $20, a combination of Marinated Grilled Shrimp, Cheddar Grits, Bacon, Sautéed Peppers & Onions. Who knew? https://www.nelliessouthernkitchen.com/

Left North Carolina the next morning. Managed not to get lost until I reached Gainesville and unaccountably drove north at a barely reasonable speed. Nothing over 95. Could smell the barn door. Realized my error before I hit the Georgia line. Knew enough to turn around. Now we are all back safely. Best I can say for myself.

The Return Of The Unpaid Travel Writer…. Blink-Blink. Blink…

Leave a Reply!