{"id":2589,"date":"2015-10-08T19:32:26","date_gmt":"2015-10-08T19:32:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/?p=2589"},"modified":"2015-10-08T19:44:01","modified_gmt":"2015-10-08T19:44:01","slug":"want-to-go-to-the-movies-and-have-a-shot-at-coming-out-alive","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/?p=2589","title":{"rendered":"Want To Go To The Movies And Have A Shot At Coming Out Alive"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>So I am rummaging through my papers and I make a discovery from, let&#8217;s say, 1992.\u00a0 An election year.\u00a0 Not much later, there&#8217;s a report of a massacre in Roseburg followed by a former Governor responding with &#8220;Stuff happens.&#8221;\u00a0 Well, that stopped me.\u00a0 And right now my working song is &#8220;I Am A Full Grown Man&#8221; by Barrance Whitfield and the Savages.\u00a0 Stay with me here.\u00a0 Look and listen &#8211; really listen &#8211; to what those people are talking about.\u00a0 You and I will talk more later.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>From the unpublished Wild Dog #7.\u00a0 I can almost hear George Carlin. &#8211; JDW<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>First of all, let&#8217;s begin with a scatological comparative study of the dominant religions and relevant philosophies of our times.<\/p>\n<p>Taoism &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;.Shit happens.<\/p>\n<p>Confucianism &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;.Confucius said, &#8220;Shit happens.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Buddhism &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;..If shit happens, it must not be shit.<\/p>\n<p>Existentialism &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;What is shit after all?<\/p>\n<p>Islam &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;.If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.<\/p>\n<p>Hare Krishna &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;.Shit happens, Rama, Rama.<\/p>\n<p>Moonies &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;..Only happy shit happens really.<\/p>\n<p>Rastafarianism &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;.Let&#8217;s smoke some of this shit.<\/p>\n<p>Zoroastrianism &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;.Shit happens half of the time.<\/p>\n<p>Seventh Day Adventist &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;..Absolutely no shit on Saturday.<\/p>\n<p>Madison Avenueism &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;.Shit sells.<\/p>\n<p>Hinduism &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;.This shit has happened before.<\/p>\n<p>Mormons &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;..This shit is going to happen again.<\/p>\n<p>Hedonism &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;..There&#8217;s nothing like a good shit.<\/p>\n<p>Zen Buddhism &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;.What is the sound of shit happening?<\/p>\n<p>Protestantism &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;Let the shit happen to others.<\/p>\n<p>Catholicism &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;Shit happens because you&#8217;re bad.<\/p>\n<p>Calvinism &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;..Shit happens because you don&#8217;t work hard enough.<\/p>\n<p>Judaism &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;Why does this shit always happen to us?<\/p>\n<p>Stoicism &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;.This shit is good for you.<\/p>\n<p>Agnostics &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;..I&#8217;m not sure about shit.<\/p>\n<p>Quakers &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;There is some shit in each of us.<\/p>\n<p>Christian Scientists &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;.All this shit is in your mind.<\/p>\n<p>Native Americans &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;We are all shit.<\/p>\n<p>Atheists &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;..No shit.<\/p>\n<p>Masochism &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;Eat shit.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Secondly, we have no message. Figure it out for yourself. The Wild Dogma? &#8220;May be shit. May not be shit. Smell everything at least once.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Doctor Bones himself was raised by Methodists. He was taught to believe &#8211; if you&#8217;re a good puppy &#8211; there&#8217;s no shit at Big Kennel In The Sky. And if there is shit, it won&#8217;t stink. And if it does stink, somebody will be right by, real soon, to clean it up. And if somebody doesn&#8217;t clean it up, there&#8217;s a shovel handy, you can clean up after yourself. Growing up, there seemed to be a awful lot of rules. Break any one of them, the shit would hit the fan. Butt-wise, I mean. Get your ass flogged is what happened to bad puppies.<\/p>\n<p>Of course, if you&#8217;re a REALLY bad puppy, you are going to be swimming in shit for eternity.<\/p>\n<p>So, practice your dog paddle.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>So I am rummaging through my papers and I make a discovery from, let&#8217;s say, 1992.\u00a0 An election year.\u00a0 Not much later, there&#8217;s a report of a massacre in Roseburg followed by a former Governor responding with &#8220;Stuff happens.&#8221;\u00a0 Well, that stopped me.\u00a0 And right now my working song is &#8220;I Am A Full Grown&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2589","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-wild-dog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":13564,"url":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/?p=13564","url_meta":{"origin":2589,"position":0},"title":"ASK DOCTOR BONES, THE ADVICE DOG","author":"JDW","date":"October 14, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams If a tree farts and there's no one to smell, does it stink? Who nose. Where does the Code of Wild Dog fit into the great world philosophies of the day? The question comes\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Wild Dog&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Wild Dog","link":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":647,"url":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/?p=647","url_meta":{"origin":2589,"position":1},"title":"SOME DAYS THE DOG AND I SIT IN THE SUN WITHOUT TALKING","author":"JDW","date":"May 20, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Some days the Dog and I sit in the sun without talking. We just sit there. Once in a while one of us might lunge at a bug flying by his jaw. We just sit. We listen. The Dog hears better than I. \u00a0 Preceded by a long sigh: Are\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Wild Dog&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Wild Dog","link":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":41757,"url":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/?p=41757","url_meta":{"origin":2589,"position":2},"title":"Booze Hound","author":"JDW","date":"January 19, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"\"It's not drinking alone if the dog is home.\" \"Booze Hound\" Collage, paper and Magic Marker. (2020) \u201cThere was nothing glorious about the life of a drinker or the life of a writer. That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Wild Dog&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Wild Dog","link":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/1642020690066blob.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/1642020690066blob.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/1642020690066blob.png?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/1642020690066blob.png?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/1642020690066blob.png?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":11581,"url":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/?p=11581","url_meta":{"origin":2589,"position":3},"title":"Wild Dog, Who Are You?","author":"JDW","date":"June 10, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\"Welch is a sprightly fellow with (a) spunky mind\" who \"brings a critical eye and a fresh voice.\" - The Washington Post. THE MAGAZINE. Boy meets girl and dog. Boy, girl and dog fall in love. Boy, girl and dog start magazine. Hiawatha Moscowitz wanted a newsletter to keep in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Wild Dog&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Wild Dog","link":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/31.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/31.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/31.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":14754,"url":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/?p=14754","url_meta":{"origin":2589,"position":4},"title":"Half-Man Half-Dog Baffles Doctor","author":"JDW","date":"January 6, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"\"Half-Man Half-Dog Baffles Doctor\" was the actual headline.\u00a0 Early 1993, if I had to guess. One of those grocery store check-out rags not worth the recycled paper unsuitable for lining a birdcage. Much fun to read nonetheless. Actual text.\u00a0 Which Wild Dog used in a plea for subscriptions. Half-Man Half-Dog\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Wild Dog&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Wild Dog","link":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":9696,"url":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/?p=9696","url_meta":{"origin":2589,"position":5},"title":"My Brothers","author":"JDW","date":"February 1, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Know it's a bad picture.\u00a0 The old man did that intentionally.\u00a0 Make positive identification more difficult.\u00a0 Only publish photo here because I am fairly confident nobody reads this stuff. Would you believe I am so upset about the recent election results, the old man joined a black gang for protection.\u00a0\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Wild Dog&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Wild Dog","link":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/?cat=4"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/20170124951043462-969x1024.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/20170124951043462-969x1024.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/20170124951043462-969x1024.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/20170124951043462-969x1024.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2589","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2589"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2589\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2597,"href":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2589\/revisions\/2597"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2589"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2589"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jackdogwelch.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2589"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}