Wonder Woman Goes On Vacation


On The Loose, Feeling Out Of Place.


The little dog got up at dawn and searched the entire house.  No young redhead.  Who’s gonna make breakfast?

Her dog awakes at dawn, that’s on the days the little bitch sleeps late.  Looks everywhere.  Young redhead still out of town.


Went to see Wonder Woman.  Like a horror movie for chauvinist pigs and radical Christian misogynists.

So, how did you like it, she asked on a long-distance call at bedtime.  About eight-thirty.

Not so much, he told her.  Don’t think you should see it.  Why not?  Too empowering.

Just kidding.  But somebody is going to hurt themselves.

Secretly, the old man was thinking, “nice cones.”  Glad he hadn’t seen the 3-D version.

Wonder Woman goes on vacation and leaves the old man home alone.

Think we can all agree, a form of elder abuse.

And then the television went out.  Yeah, that’s right.  Talking DefCon Four.  Apparently, the cable company was unaware.

Of whom they were dealing with.  Looking for an excuse to cancel that bill.  Young redhead whispered the number into his bad ear.  Approximately ten fold (10x) the amount he used to bitch about back when cable was invented.  He could do without twenty-four hour access to the International Drone Racing League, Naked Survivor Uncensored, Fox News.

This just in.  No truth to the rumor as yet unspread by the blame stream media that Attorney Gerbil Jeff Sessions had any part in the Congressional Baseball Shooting in order to draw attention away from his as yet unproven perjury before the Senate.  A crawl on the bottom of the screen.

Obviously, a number of completely innocent members of the administration are conspiring against the idea they are guilty.  In defense, merely naive and forgetful and delusional and completely unaware.

Just the kind of folks you want in charge.  If you stay off the internet and your television’s broke, no cable news, amazing how your life improves.  Just saying.

Unplugging the cable box, the old man sensed the cutting of an umbilical cord.  Toughen up!  He memorized all four wires and their locations and then their plugs and burnt a mental image.  Not too deep.

Drove to the cable company office, miraculously vacant except for young, helpful, happy-to-have-a -job clerks.  Sheltered by shade and air conditioning, Jeremy was extremely helpful, taking the time to explain where the three plugs went into the new sleek black machine.

The old man was plenty proud when he got the new machine hooked up.  First thing, check on his favorite channels.  “If you wish to purchase this channel, please call 888- whatever.”  Pork me.

Dave in Orlando answers.  My call is being monitored for quality control purposes.  A half hour later, the television still doesn’t work and the old man was exhausted.   

Dave, hope like hell you get called into the office.  Just tell’em, Dave.  Florida.  Old people.  We need plug and play.  Plug and play.  Plug and play.  Plug and play, Dave.

The old man hung up.

Cisco had been downloading the initial application for about a half hour.

Didn’t have the highest confidence he’d be watching cable television any time soon.

Part of him said, he was not sure he cared.

Part of him said, gift from God.

Still downloading.

Makes you wonder, woman.


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