Archive For The “Wild Dog” Category
I was in the machine. My whole life. Then the machine coughed and spat me out. So I thought, OK, if I’m out, I’m out. All the way out. I was a little angry and it was probably an immature reaction. But I got used to it. – Lee Child, One Shot I recently came across…
“The Easter bunny is real. I shih tzu not.” Five brown eggs in a nest of hay, One yellow chick popped out to play. Four brown eggs in a nest of hay, Another yellow chick cheep-cheeped “good day”. Three brown eggs in a nest of hay, Crack went another one, Hip Hooray! Two brown eggs…
A former TV star came down a golden escalator with paid supporters cheering and I dug up 1992’s NOT JUST ANOTHER BOOGER-BREATH DOOTBRAIN. Nine years later, the Orange Avenger is still with us. And so is Dave Barry. VOTE FOR DAVE BARRY! From THE ADVENTURES OF BARKER AJAX, PSYCHO JOURNALIST. It’s time once again to…
One Christmas, 1995 maybe, I returned from Honolulu to find the puppy dead. Worst dog sitter ever. Salmonella happens. Same time I was offered a teaching gig at a prestigious writing retreat. No surprise, nobody signed up. Work so hard to remain unknown, can’t be shocked if you don’t cultivate a celebrity…
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say ‘I want to see the manager.’ – William Burroughs You are perhaps aware of my affinity for William Burroughs. Not the best guy in the world. Understood. But he was an amazing creature. Studying his Cut-Up style of composition, I decided I’d…
An excerpt from Wild Dog #4: In Search Of The Inner Puppy. (April 1993) Originally titled Outside Of A Dog, A Book is Man’s Best Friend. Inside Of A Dog, It’s Too Dark To Read. Jaxx Good Dogg came back from his morning walk with a two-inch-long puncture wound on the inside of his left…
There was a time, and I toss this off as an aberration of middle-aged mental illness, I greatly enjoyed Halloween. Downtown Portland. In the Eighties. Could be fun for socialites and serial killers. From November 8, 1989. You are not the kind of guy who would be dressed up like this at this time of…
The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go. – Dr. Seuss A Nature Valley morning with coconut butter. When we get outside, something amazing happens. You can feel it. It can make us feel more energized, helps manage stress, and strengthen our families. We…
Here’s something from the early Nineties. From the Wild Dog Chronicles. I have respect for the wild life. Which is why I applied for a job at Jungle Gardens in Sarasota. Providing On-Premises Graveyard Shift Security. That’s what I do. I’m a hired gun. In return for punching a clock from eleven p.m. to five…
Name one development in the history of humankind that has increased happiness more than the domestication of dogs. – Aaron Easterly Thursdays, the dog and I drive to town. We order two beers, one for each of us. Damn dog simply can’t handle alcohol and starts to talk. With an accent I’m unable to place. Doga…